How it feels to be one of us.......

So here I go again living my personal life out load for everyone to see.  Why do I do this?  Several reasons really, but here are a few of them.  I know without a doubt that everything we go through is form God and is for a reason.  I hope that my trials in life will help one you reading this or help someone you know.  It helps me to think through things when I get it all put down and out in the open.  Most of all somehow I believe this will bring glory to God and show His love for His people.  This subject will completely NEUTRAL I will neither condone nor condemn.  I do not wish to change anyone's theology, I wish to change the way some people approach this subject.  I do not need sympathy from anyone because of this I simply hope it helps someone out there and its all for a reason.  God has blessed my life in many more ways than ANY one person deserves.  It is unreal the things God has done in my life and given me in my life so please remember that while reading through this.

As most of you know I was saved in Aug of 07 and my life totally changed.  I have preached against homosexuality both on here and in church.  However that does not mean that my struggles have gone away that does not mean that I do not still desire these things.  At this point in my life I am really unsure on what my belief is about the subject.  Now some of you are thinking WHAT, WHY would say that?  Its takes a brave person to say that.  Believe it or not, to say I may have been wrong or I may have been right.   How bad is it to say your willing to learn and your willing to search for the truth, and to be able to know that is the truth with all that you are?  

I have done everything I know to do to put this behind me, prayed, tried to remain faithful, preached against it, and everything else I can think of doing or thought I was being led to do.  Even at my strongest points in my faith I have had alot of struggles with this.  In the last month or two things have been very hard for me and i feel torn, it is very hard for me to go to church right now.  I can either live life the way I feel or I can live life as a Christian.  Then I meet a group of people that says you can life this way and still be a Christian.   I have talked to several people about this seeking guidance.  I am tired or being upset, tired or crying, tired of stressing, and tired of being mad.   The one thing I hear all the time is "I can't imagine what your going through or how hard this is for you."  So this is my chance to show everyone one of you how hard this can be and what it's like.

I want you get the person you love, your wife, husband, boyfriend, girlfriend whatever it is.  Stop here and dont go any farther until you get his person! 

Now put your arms around them hold them tight, give them a kiss and tell them how much you love them.  Do you feel how natural and right that felt?  How absolutely wonderful that was!  That is how so many of us feel.  That is how I feel when I wake up in the arms of another man, or kiss the one I love.  That feeling when your heart is on the top of a mountain just from being in that persons arms.  Now imagine people say its not right, that is not natural and you should be ashamed of yourself for feeling this way!  That everything your heart and body is crying for is terrible and wrong.  Its an abomination to God!  Can you imagine what that is like?  Now what if its natural for you to be in committed relationship with some one of the opposite sex of the person you were just showing your love to.  Can you wake up to or love or kiss or even marry that other person?  Do you see how backwards and weird that would be? Can you imagine living your life that way?  Well if not than you can just be single the rest of your life cause you dont get to be loved and love the way you feel it.  You dont deserve that.  How does that make you feel?

When you go to church and the subject gets brought up, it cuts through you like a knife right to your heart.  When people make their condemning comments with that tone of voice that says " thats so disgusting I can't believe people could ever feel that way, I am so much better than that".  When people want to make their silly little jokes and act like people who are this way or struggle with this are nasty, terrible people.  (I would like to take a moment to say hear, yes I have heard stuff like this in Church but I have not heard my Pastor say or do any of this!  I have nothing but the utmost respect for my Pastor who really does care for his flock and does everything he can to help them.  I highly respect him and think a lot of him and his beliefs and opinions) .  Do you have idea how much it hurts some one that is going through this when you act that way?  How much it can make them feel they dont belong there and they never will?  For people to tell you that you will go to hell for being this way? 

Well hello, people do not go to hell because they commit one sin or the other.  Sin is sin and the wage of sin is death.  I don't care what you have done or will do in life the ONLY thing you will go to hell for is not confessing Jesus Christ as Lord and Savior.  For not accepting the GIFT He is giving to ALL!  I know that in Heaven there will be homosexuals, prostitutes, drug addicts, faithful Christians, and Pastors, people from every God believing religion.  Why is that?  Because Jesus is the Way the Truth and the Light.  All those that come to repentance and take Him into their hearts will be wrote in the Lambs Book of Life.  Sin separates us form God and that is why Jesus came to this earth and died FOR ALL MAN KIND.  There are healing powers in the name of Jesus like you will never believe but that does not mean that if someone still falls they will not one day with our Lord.  If we were all perfect Jesus would not have need to die for our sins. 

Here is what I know without a doubt.  I am going through all that I am for a reason.  To either find out I was wrong and it is ok to be this way or I have been given this fight for a reason and only God knows what this is but one day it will be revealed and it will be all worth it.  So as I continue to search I want you to remember that just because your believe something is wrong or you dont understand, it does not make that other person any less of a person than you.  I dont care if they are a drug addict or an abused spouse a hooker or whatever it may be.  That person is in pain and the last thing they need is you to run your mouth and act like your better than them!  We are all people we all have trials in our lives.  Remember that your sin is just as bad as mine and every other person.  If your a fat person, you eat till your tummy is about to explode your sinning to.  Just the same as me.  If your too lazy to go out and get a job, hit your wife, or condemn someone else to hell, your sin is just as great as that other persons!   Remember to go to other people with love in your heart and love in your voice.  If you go to someone because you know better and you are better then who is really is in the wrong place?  Feel free to leave comments/questions/concerns here or on my facebook or email me at psalms121@rocketmail.com